Is it already February? Am I just getting older, or is time really going faster?
My time at St. Francis is drawing to a close and, after a year of living in Zambia, it is hard to “wrap things up” without a huge nshima pot of emotions sticking to everything.
I told my nursing class this morning that I only have two more weeks left with them. It appeared as if I had told them the sky wasn’t blue, it was purple, and that it was falling. People actually gasped, and the puppy-dog eyes made me almost tear up, so I quickly made a joke, which changed the mood and they laughed and applauded.
Now that people know I’m leaving, I get the ‘sorry-to-see-you-go’ and all that, but I also get the “what are you leaving me in remembrance of you?” I’m told by everyone from slight acquaintances to very close friends that I should leave them my stethoscope, my uniforms, camera, refrigerator… They mean well.
I’m looking forward to coming home, there are plenty of things I miss and plenty of things I want to do in Canada. But I will miss this place and these people very much, and already I feel it pulling me back.
I can’t explain what it’s like to be here for a year, it’s something you can only experience. I can try to explain the symphony of insects at night, some sounding like bubbles popping, other like floating glasses tinkling into each other, I can try to describe the peacefulness of thunderstorms or the smells of the market, but all this will just end up as poetry. These things have created their own special place in my heart, and pictures and words can never express them fully. That’s the goodness of it, as we say.
What I can do is write never-ending lists of things I’ve realized, things I love, and things I’ll miss. Not included will be ‘things I’m frustrated with’, though I feel I have written enough of that, and will save it for a more productive use.
Here’s a list of “Things I’ve Realized”. Many (but not all) are also “things I love” and things I’ll miss”; so think of it more as a compiled list, save me the typing.
Things I’ve realized:
1. You can never eat too many mangoes.
2. There is no such thing as too many greetings, even if you say them all in a row “How are you? How is your family? How is work? How is the day going? How is your husband? How is his work? How are you finding Zambia?...Otherwise, you’re okay?”
3. Not all ants bite.
4. Those small black ants that like to live in your house are among the worst, and will make your finger swell up and itch like crazy for 3 days.
5. You have not eaten unless you’ve had nshima. Even if you have had rice, potatoes, pumpkin, etc, you have yet to have your meal of nshima.
6. The Zambian concept of time is different from Canadian/Western time.
7. Earplugs are a necessity on 6 hour bus rides.
8. 6 hours of continuous Celine Dion is worse than super loud wrestling footage. Her songs just ‘go on and onnnn’.
9. You don’t need an alarm clock to wake up at 5am on a Monday. The crows landing heavy-footedly on your tin roof serve the same purpose, and are just as reliable.
10. Cheese-flavoured Jiggies actually taste pretty good.
11. Ask a yes-or-no question, and you will always get a ‘yes’ response.
12. Ask a non-yes-or-no question, and you will always get a ‘yes’ response.
13. Flying ants kind of taste like bacon.
14. You have an 80% chance of being peed on if you hold a baby.
15. Never ever count on having power at any time of the day, especially during supper time.
16. Always accept any gifts given to you, even if you already have three bags of groundnuts. Even if you’re allergic to groundnuts.
17. “Sorry, but I’m married” is not a deterrent, and is taken more like a challenge…
18. Mini-bus drivers could win “World’s Worst Driver” every time. Hands down.
19. You don’t need an invitation, even an excuse, to visit someone or have dinner with them, and they will gladly welcome you every time.
20. Wherever you go, you will eventually find a family, feel loved, and have support.
21. Laughter is the best medicine. Panadol comes a close second.
22. Two lumps of nshima twice a day will make you fat. Apparently, it will also help you to have twins.
23. The only thing worse than getting stuck in the back of an overcrowded, 6 hour long bus ride without earplugs or proper ventilation is having intestinal issues at the same time. Or… listening to Celine Dion for the entire trip.
24. Zambian nursing students will write down EVERYTHING you put on a powerpoint, even “Do not write this sentence in your book”…
25. Visiting “big shots” from the donor community bring out a whole new level of butt-kissing.
26. Nothing can kill a cockroach.
27. African babies and children have more patience than the average Canadian adult.
28. A man holding hands with another man is normal, but a man holding hands with his wife is offensive.
29. You can fit 9 people into a taxi, and 7 plus at least one child is standard.
30. It's not rude for a man to scratch or hold his crotch while talking to someone, or even while shaking hands with them… provided it's the other hand.
31. Picking your nose is acceptable, even while flirting with someone or cooking for them.
32. Swearing is NOT acceptable.
33. Asking direct questions is a bit rude and giving direct/clear answers is never expected.
34. Praying lots and being thankful to God and humble is ordinary.
35. If you avoid Zambians that are involved in public transport, you'll almost always like them.
36. If you're friendly to the ladies selling produce in the market you will get an extra fruit or vegetable.
37. When someone makes a joke, they expect you to slap their hand and then hold it for a while, and it's actually nice and makes perfect sense.
38. Everyone wants to do more schooling, regardless of how educated they are and whether or not they're employed.
39. Helping others is not optional.
40. There is an entire new dimension to what I thought of the words ‘suffering’, ‘love’, ‘forgiveness’, and ‘faith’; and I have learned so much from and am so humbled by these incredible people.
41. No matter how long I practice, I will never be able to shake my butt like a Zambian woman.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Gender Violence
Tuesdays are clinical meeting days at the hospital, and various departments present a topic to the rest of the staff.
Last week, our social worker and security head talked to us about gender violence. At home, I’d often go to discussions on topics like this; professors and guest speakers would talk about Africa and poverty and AIDS and human rights, and I’d be there, taking it in, blood boiling from all the injustices throughout the world, wondering why these things are still happening, why it seems like even worse things continue to happen. Aren’t we supposed to learn from our mistakes? Isn’t it common sense and only human to think of all people equally, be they women, children, black, white, rich, poor?
The thing about common sense is that it’s not so common.
Here’s the thing about gender violence. It’s everywhere, it affects everyone, and it is going to take huge shifts in all aspects of society to change it.
In Zambia, gender violence is very real. Come spend some time at the hospital and see for yourself. After a few assault and rape cases, impressed with these women for coming forward, even contacting the police, I am left wondering just how many more are in the community, afraid to come for help, afraid of losing everything.
Gender violence, and I’m not just talking about physical assaults, seems to be “built into society and culture” (words from our social worker). I’ll give you some examples of the male dominance of Zambian society.
Education: Exam standards and requirements are higher for boys than girls. This reinforces a stereotype that boys are more intelligent and work harder, and more is expected of them. They will expect more of themselves, and push themselves to reach that set point, whereas girls are expected to do less well, and don’t expect to reach high results, and won’t push themselves as hard. I see this in our nursing school – the number of boys is higher or equal to that of girls (even though national guidelines say to favour girls). More boys apply, and with higher marks. I asked one of the tutors about this and his reply? “Boys just have that drive, they try harder.”
Bride Price: When a man wants to marry a woman, he goes to the woman’s family and negotiates a fair ‘price’. Typically, this has been in terms of cattle, but has more recently moved to a cash payment. Though this is traditionally to be viewed as an exchange for the family's loss of the bride's labour, etc, it has the effect as labelling women as 'commodities', a good owned by the husband.
Polygamy is common. Here, there is a discrepancy between national and ‘traditional’ law. More than one wife is okay by traditional law, whereas it is considered bigamy by national law. This is one of many discrepancies between national and traditional law, and these inconsistencies lead to a lot of bureaucracy, which pretty much makes both laws pointless. Anyways, men will often look for a second wife (“to help the first wife” they say), and this new wife becomes the spoiled one, whereas the first wife is basically a slave. If you are poor and unemployed and have the chance to marry someone who can support you while another woman does most of the work, why not?
Reporting assaults and rapes: Will it change anything? Better question: will it make things worse?
1. Police and victim services are often ineffective in these areas. There is an example of a mother who terminated a pregnancy and died. Lots of people came forth to testify, saying they knew the one (healer) who does this (it’s happened before), where he stays, etc. The police were told, but nobody followed up; the excuse from the police being that the woman is dead and cannot be a witness, so there is no evidence…
2. If a woman is poor and unemployed, and she reports her husband (and something is actually done about it), who will look after her and the children? She is in a very subservient position, with little power and no voice.
There was a situation in which a 14 year old girl came to the hospital to deliver. She was married. After the baby was born, the question came up – should the husband be charged? She isn’t of legal age, this is considered “defilement”, yet the girl told them not to arrest him, they were happy. I don’t know the outcome of this one, but I do know how it would have ended if this weren’t Zambia. A 14 year old mother!
There are many other smaller things that demonstrate and promote female inferiority -distribution of household chores and farm work, men eat first and inside at the table while women and children eat last and outside in the kitchen, a woman is expected to follow her husband in every way, and is taught at a very young age how to please and serve him. A nursing officer just spoke to me today about which church I attend. When I mentioned that my husband’s family is Anglican, she said, “Then you should also be Anglican, you should follow your husband.” I explained that we have found our own church together – she seemed okay with that, though a bit confused.
Included in the entrance forms for the Midwifery School here is permission slip – to be signed by the student’s husband, granting her permission to pursue higher education.
A Zambian work permit has provision for the bearer’s wife (not ‘spouse’ or ‘husband’), and even has extra pages for additional ‘wives’.
There are many things that need to change to bring about gender equality and an end to gender discrimination and violence, the issue is very big. A lot of changes need to happen in term of policy, and unfortunately, most governments throughout the world only care about making their voters happy… and Zambians go to the polls later this year.
As with everything, it all begins with a shift in thinking and a shift in attitudes. And, as Mrs. Seya keeps telling me, “Attitudes are the hardest thing to change”.
Last week, our social worker and security head talked to us about gender violence. At home, I’d often go to discussions on topics like this; professors and guest speakers would talk about Africa and poverty and AIDS and human rights, and I’d be there, taking it in, blood boiling from all the injustices throughout the world, wondering why these things are still happening, why it seems like even worse things continue to happen. Aren’t we supposed to learn from our mistakes? Isn’t it common sense and only human to think of all people equally, be they women, children, black, white, rich, poor?
The thing about common sense is that it’s not so common.
Here’s the thing about gender violence. It’s everywhere, it affects everyone, and it is going to take huge shifts in all aspects of society to change it.
In Zambia, gender violence is very real. Come spend some time at the hospital and see for yourself. After a few assault and rape cases, impressed with these women for coming forward, even contacting the police, I am left wondering just how many more are in the community, afraid to come for help, afraid of losing everything.
Gender violence, and I’m not just talking about physical assaults, seems to be “built into society and culture” (words from our social worker). I’ll give you some examples of the male dominance of Zambian society.
Education: Exam standards and requirements are higher for boys than girls. This reinforces a stereotype that boys are more intelligent and work harder, and more is expected of them. They will expect more of themselves, and push themselves to reach that set point, whereas girls are expected to do less well, and don’t expect to reach high results, and won’t push themselves as hard. I see this in our nursing school – the number of boys is higher or equal to that of girls (even though national guidelines say to favour girls). More boys apply, and with higher marks. I asked one of the tutors about this and his reply? “Boys just have that drive, they try harder.”
Bride Price: When a man wants to marry a woman, he goes to the woman’s family and negotiates a fair ‘price’. Typically, this has been in terms of cattle, but has more recently moved to a cash payment. Though this is traditionally to be viewed as an exchange for the family's loss of the bride's labour, etc, it has the effect as labelling women as 'commodities', a good owned by the husband.
Polygamy is common. Here, there is a discrepancy between national and ‘traditional’ law. More than one wife is okay by traditional law, whereas it is considered bigamy by national law. This is one of many discrepancies between national and traditional law, and these inconsistencies lead to a lot of bureaucracy, which pretty much makes both laws pointless. Anyways, men will often look for a second wife (“to help the first wife” they say), and this new wife becomes the spoiled one, whereas the first wife is basically a slave. If you are poor and unemployed and have the chance to marry someone who can support you while another woman does most of the work, why not?
Reporting assaults and rapes: Will it change anything? Better question: will it make things worse?
1. Police and victim services are often ineffective in these areas. There is an example of a mother who terminated a pregnancy and died. Lots of people came forth to testify, saying they knew the one (healer) who does this (it’s happened before), where he stays, etc. The police were told, but nobody followed up; the excuse from the police being that the woman is dead and cannot be a witness, so there is no evidence…
2. If a woman is poor and unemployed, and she reports her husband (and something is actually done about it), who will look after her and the children? She is in a very subservient position, with little power and no voice.
There was a situation in which a 14 year old girl came to the hospital to deliver. She was married. After the baby was born, the question came up – should the husband be charged? She isn’t of legal age, this is considered “defilement”, yet the girl told them not to arrest him, they were happy. I don’t know the outcome of this one, but I do know how it would have ended if this weren’t Zambia. A 14 year old mother!
There are many other smaller things that demonstrate and promote female inferiority -distribution of household chores and farm work, men eat first and inside at the table while women and children eat last and outside in the kitchen, a woman is expected to follow her husband in every way, and is taught at a very young age how to please and serve him. A nursing officer just spoke to me today about which church I attend. When I mentioned that my husband’s family is Anglican, she said, “Then you should also be Anglican, you should follow your husband.” I explained that we have found our own church together – she seemed okay with that, though a bit confused.
Included in the entrance forms for the Midwifery School here is permission slip – to be signed by the student’s husband, granting her permission to pursue higher education.
A Zambian work permit has provision for the bearer’s wife (not ‘spouse’ or ‘husband’), and even has extra pages for additional ‘wives’.
There are many things that need to change to bring about gender equality and an end to gender discrimination and violence, the issue is very big. A lot of changes need to happen in term of policy, and unfortunately, most governments throughout the world only care about making their voters happy… and Zambians go to the polls later this year.
As with everything, it all begins with a shift in thinking and a shift in attitudes. And, as Mrs. Seya keeps telling me, “Attitudes are the hardest thing to change”.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Depression in Africa
It’s Monday morning, and I hear the faintest knock at my door. It’s one of the first-year nursing students, I happily invite her in, and she sits down for a chat with me.
"Sorry to disturb you, I won’t be long, it’s not very important.
What could be the reason for feeling sad all the time?
I wake up and have no energy, all I feel is weakness.
I’ve tried to talk to my roommate about this, but she just tells me I’m being moody. The problem is, this has been continuous; it doesn’t go away.
*tears come*
I can’t talk to anyone about this, we’re not that free, not even my aunty, and I call her mom. I only have one good friend, she’s also in nursing school, but she’s in Kitwe, so we don’t see each other.
Even when I go home I feel this way, I don’t know what it is that’s making me feel like this…
Is there anything that can help me? What can I do?"
I give her a hug as she leaves my office, tell her to come back again so we can talk about this some more, and give her some options and words of encouragement in the meantime.
This poor girl. She’s far from home, doesn’t have many close friends, and is struggling with this sadness in a culture where depression is seen as a weakness and not a disease. I’m glad she can talk to me, but I can’t imagine how alone she must feel.
How many other young women feel this way? How many feel free enough to talk about it, and with whom? What support is there for them?
Perhaps things are changing in Africa with regard to how we look at mental illness, but there are many firm-rooted beliefs that involve demons, curses, or just the notion that becoming depressed is the way that people with poor stamina deal with life's challenges. This way of thinking prevents us from treating any form of mental illness, since some higher power has caused this condition. Of course, I don't want to fiercly oppose traditional healers or argue over the power of prayer, I'm just saying, as with everything, we need to find the right balance.
"Sorry to disturb you, I won’t be long, it’s not very important.
What could be the reason for feeling sad all the time?
I wake up and have no energy, all I feel is weakness.
I’ve tried to talk to my roommate about this, but she just tells me I’m being moody. The problem is, this has been continuous; it doesn’t go away.
*tears come*
I can’t talk to anyone about this, we’re not that free, not even my aunty, and I call her mom. I only have one good friend, she’s also in nursing school, but she’s in Kitwe, so we don’t see each other.
Even when I go home I feel this way, I don’t know what it is that’s making me feel like this…
Is there anything that can help me? What can I do?"
I give her a hug as she leaves my office, tell her to come back again so we can talk about this some more, and give her some options and words of encouragement in the meantime.
This poor girl. She’s far from home, doesn’t have many close friends, and is struggling with this sadness in a culture where depression is seen as a weakness and not a disease. I’m glad she can talk to me, but I can’t imagine how alone she must feel.
How many other young women feel this way? How many feel free enough to talk about it, and with whom? What support is there for them?
Perhaps things are changing in Africa with regard to how we look at mental illness, but there are many firm-rooted beliefs that involve demons, curses, or just the notion that becoming depressed is the way that people with poor stamina deal with life's challenges. This way of thinking prevents us from treating any form of mental illness, since some higher power has caused this condition. Of course, I don't want to fiercly oppose traditional healers or argue over the power of prayer, I'm just saying, as with everything, we need to find the right balance.
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